A "good" Laugh.

It's not funny,
Don't you see?
It's not funny,
That you laugh at me.
It's not funny,
That you cut me down.
It's not funny,
That silence wears the crown.
It's not funny,
That I can't just be.
It's not funny,
That you are just like me.
It's not funny,
That now it's you, not me.
It's just not funny,
Don't you see?

Life lately.

      Ever feel like you are standing still and life is moving right past you? Like everyone around you knows some secret about how to catch up with it, but you're left in the dark? I've been realizing more and more how fast time really does go by...I was stalking a few of my friends from High School last night on Facebook (what else do you do at 3am?), and felt like it was literally last week that we all graduated and were talking about starting college. Now, most of them are married, or will be in a few months, have "big people" jobs, and are leading lives that our parents are supposed to, not us, right? I ask myself all the time, "When did I get old?" And yes, at the ripe age of 22, I feel like I am nearing adulthood ever so quickly and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Every day I wake up, pretty much do the same thing, go to bed, and then start the routine over again the next day. Redundant doesn't even cover it. Where is the adventure, the danger of the life that I want to lead? Instead, I'm stuck in this town feeling like at any minute I could die from asphyxiation of the norm. My tombstone would literally read, "Herein lies Liz Breeden. Death by the daily drudge." Complacency and monotony creep up like a cancer that invades your cells quietly one day and then, before you know it, you're slowly (or maybe rapidly in some cases) dying a harsh death. But the thing about that kind of cancer is that, unlike say, lymphoma or breast cancer, it is 100% curable. It is hard work to rid your life and self of these things, but it can be done with the help of a Loving and Perfect Father who is anything but dull or stagnant. He is the antonym of anything lackluster and wants us to be too. Help me be more like you today, Jesus. Help me to live on the edge of the cliff, not comfortably ten-feet away. Actually, I'm going to jump off the cliff...just catch me when I do.

Time.

Time is something I have yet to figure out. I feel like I have this unlimited supply of it stored somewhere and I can drain from it whenever I want like an ATM. Why though? Why do I feel like I can use and abuse this gift, this present the Lord graciously gives me with every passing second? I have found this taking time for granted to be a chronic problem in my life, and as I am sitting in the library about to finish yet another semester of college, I'm wondering what I have done with the past three years of my life? Can I honestly say that I have used that timely wisely, or worse, used it for the Lord and the furthering of His kingdom? I would love to answer yes, but it wouldn't be honest. I take days, hours, minutes and seconds for granted every single day and it never occurs to me until so much time has passed I feel like I can't do anything about it. Then I stop. I take a breath. And in an instant I am reminded of the Lord's goodness, and His ability to forgive me and forget my wastefulness. He just stands there with His arms wide open and tells me to get up, dust myself off, and try again. I can handle this time thing God, I just have to give it all to you. That is the only way to truly use it anyway, right? I need more time to look like you, and help this world do the same. What's mine is yours, so take my time. Consume all of it and be stingy with it. I don't want to waste any more of it. Thanks for second chances. 

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Why is it that when the Lord moves, speaks, and reveals, the enemy thinks he has the next move? Last night I was sitting in a prayer meeting and the Lord very clearly spoke to me, revealing things about His will for my life, and wouldn't you know it, the minute the meeting was over I was sick to my stomach. This isn't the first time this has happened either. Throughout my walk, and even before, a recurring pattern is seen: God moves, I get sick. The summer before my senior year of high school, my youth group went on a mission trip to Mexico. I really felt called to the ministry at this time, specifically to the mission field, and while we were there I ingested the water, and was car sick in the back of a van for 3 hours. This is only one of the many stories I have about this, but last night I got to thinking about it...I realized that the enemy is not only trying to take me out spiritually, but also physically. Why does he feel like he can do that?? I actually think its funny in a way. You're mad that I won't be joining you for eternity and that I'm taking as many people with me as I possibly can, so you give me stomach problems? "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete. lacking in nothing." -James 1:2. 

Two part prayer.

Miracles. They followed in Your wake. Everywhere You went, they were present. Can my walk with You be like that? Will You awaken a faith within me that stirs You to do miraculous things through me? Will You use me to heal the lepers…cause the blind to see…cast out demons…heal the sick…raise the dead…cause the mute to speak…preach the Gospel to all who will hear? I don’t care if I am hated by this world for doing so because it has nothing to offer me. “Some want to live within the sound of chapel bells; I want to run a rescue mission within a yard of hell” C.T. Studd. That is the desire of my heart. Do with me what you will. I’ll sacrifice everything to gain You and to see Your glory revealed in my measly life. I will give up dreams, hopes, plans, whatever You require of me, in order to save lost and dying people.

You hid Moses in the cleft of the mountain so he could see your back…I want to see all of you, even if it means my death. The word “radical” isn’t sufficient for what I want to be for You…”For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you…” (2 Corinthians 5:13).

Since when did I become so worried about offending people that I began to sugar-coat the Gospel to the point it is almost unrecognizable, or even left out all together in my conversations? And why,  from the pulpit and the mouths of christians, are “warm fuzzies” more prevalent than the truth? Proverbs teaches us that, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips” (24:26), and that, “Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue” (28:22). James tells us, “Whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sin” (5:19-20).You weren’t afraid to offend people’s sinful nature, so why are your people? 

This is not to say I am not sinful, or we, as christians aren’t, because like Paul said, “I[We] am[are] the least of these” (1 Corinthians 15:9), but to the Pharisees and the lost in our world, I want to be an example by not only how I live, but also in striving to always have truths on my lips.

Not that this “brimstone and fire” message is necessary to scare people out of hell, because that isn’t the Gospel at all, it is “God’s kindness [that] leads you to repentance” (Romans 2:4), but that we stop fearing rejection from man, and start showing the lost the love of a perfect Father who wants nothing more than to be in fellowship with them.

No matter the sacrifice demanded of us, or what we have to endure,God give Your people the grace to do what you have called us to. “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth” (Acts 1:8).

I want to leave this earth knowing nothing held me back from fulfilling Your plan for my life. No more timidity, I’m ready to burn for you…