Sometimes I look at myself and think..."I should be better." I should be a better listener, be more diligent, more trustworthy, self-disciplined, should make better grades, be a better friend, take better care of myself, juggle responsibility better...do everything...better. And then I wonder if other people think the same thing.
Do people look at me and find themselves disappointed in who I am, in comparison to who I could be, or should be? Is it possible that I fail to meet the expectations of others based on the fact that I am called to greatness, yet settle for mediocrity?
I find myself wondering this a lot...probably a lot more than I even should. To an extent I want to throw out the, "You shouldn't care what other people think about you" card, but then there's is this nagging truth that people should be able to look at my life, my actions, my words, my thoughts, my love, and see that it is, in fact, better than what they have tasted and seen in this world. Shouldn't my life be an example of a better way to live, a better way to fight this battle? After all, that's what Jesus was for us. Better. Better than the late nights that consisted of a nauseating amount of alcohol, ending with your face in a toilet bowl...better than the days exhausted by trying to impress and fit in, ending with a pillow soaked in tears and night of restless sleep because you know you have to wake up the next day and do it all over again...better than the crushing pressure of a future with little hope beyond what you, yourself, can conjure up in what little imagination this world has left you...better than the cheap love you can find in the eyes and arms of the next available warm body...He was better, is better.
I almost find myself wincing at describing Jesus with such a simplistic word, or notion, but then I remember that simplicity is His best friend. Perfection will some day come, but what I want to strive for now is simply to be better...better than yesterday, better than a year ago, better than now-
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